Today, I Didn't Cry.

Dear Dolly,

'They' say, when your firstborn goes away to school, that you cry. Today was your first day at school all by yourself. We met your teacher yesterday and everything changed in our lives.

To be honest, I've been dreading this day all year long. Every day that's gone by, I've thought about it. I've thought about the times we've done 'schoolwork' together, the times you've read to me, the letters you've spent hours on for writing practice. I've thought about this being the last summer before you'd have to go away to school. No more slow mornings and late breakfasts. No more spur of the moment, last minute plans for the day, no more late nights because we could recover the next day. And the days kept marching by.

This morning Emma got up early enough to eat breakfast with you. The boys barely made it out of bed and into the car by the time we had to go. She even chose to have the same kind of cereal that you had. It made me smile a little.

When we got to school, you didn't see the point in us waiting for you to go inside. You would have been the first in line if I hadn't made you hold still for a picture. I didn't want to take pictures, but I knew we'd want to see what your first day of school looked like someday. Emma wanted to stand in line with you, and she hardly left your elbow before your teacher came out and started giving directions.

That's when PC and Emma gave you a hug and you lined up with your classmates for the first time. Next week you'll meet the second half of your class, but out of the students we saw today, you were the only blond. My girl of gold. I must give your teacher credit, she did well organizing her students - even the ones who needed more organizing than the rest. It wasn't too long before you all made it up the stairs and the four of us were left standing outside. We'd be back soon, because this week, your school days are mere hours - just over an hour each day to be exact. Next week will see longer classroom time. Next week.

When we picked you up, you had your first paper to take home. You'd glued a cutout of your hand to it and there was a poem printed on the back side of paper. Poetry is bad for me. It has music - it has feeling. They're not just ordinary words because they've been carefully chosen so that they run smoothly together. That little poem with your hand print on the back almost had me today. My eyes welled up as I read it to you when you showed me your work, but I blinked them back to normal.

When I was a little girl my dream was to grow up, get married and be a mom. As I got older, that dream never changed, but I discovered I loved to teach and I dreamt of being a teacher too. Then I grew up, got married, and became a mom and I dreamt of being your teacher. So, today when I watched you climb up the steps I had to realize the fact that some dreams don't mix no matter how much you want them to.

I love you Dolly, and I'll be smiling for you as you go on to learn at school. I have the times we had before today to remember learning with you. They make me smile.

So today, I didn't cry.

Love Always,
~Mama