Little Bird

Dear Emma,

I was thinking of you while I took my shower today. I was thinking of how you're my Little Bird – you know, that's what I often call you in my mind. You flit all over the place. Actually, your feet rarely ever both stay on the ground at the same time for more than a few seconds. Sometimes this constant motion bothers me, but you are very agile because of it. You love life and it shows in every single thing you do. Last week you started to fly in the word world. I bought a book for you, and you fell in love. Now you're trying to read everything you see. Did you know, that at this time, a year ago, you didn't even know 5 letters of the alphabet? And of those letters, you didn't even know all of their sounds. I love that I can watch you spread your little wings and soar. There really isn't a way to describe the joy and excitement I feel when I watch my little ones learn how to read.

But it's not just your new discovery of reading that I was thinking about this afternoon. I was thinking about your little phrases and how I love your originality. Like when you ask me for an after school snack by saying, “Can I please have a good afternoon snack?” Or when you would like me to get to you and you want me to know you're happy to wait patiently, you say, “Mommy, when you get in a minute can you...” I was thinking of how you let so many negative things just roll right off of you as if you don't even see or hear or feel them. But I know you must notice some of them – sometimes I don't understand how you can continue on so cheerfully as if those negative thoughts or words never even happened.

My little Blue Bird – that's what you are really. With your bluest blue beautiful eyes. You may have brown hair, but if you ever hold still long enough for someone to SEE your eyes... well, that's all they will see – those dazzling blue eyes with little flecks of ice sparkling in them. The other day you asked me if I liked your smile 'because it's so cute' and you screwed up your face into what you were sure was the loveliest of smiles. I told you I thought your smile was beautiful, but I didn't tell you that I was thinking of your spontaneous smile rather than the posed one you were demonstrating just then. I love how you're so confident of yourself. You know who you are, you love how you are, and you leave it at that and look to see what you can love about someone else. Don't ever lose that, Little Bird.

You're athletic, and I have rarely seen you wear yourself out even though you seem to never stop moving. I think it's actually impossible for you to really hold still. But it's not just your body that is always going. You are always thinking, scheming, planning, organizing, dictating, executing, demonstrating, talking, singing, debating, challenging. Your mind is always going and it's one of the strongest things about you, and you are a very strong little girl. You have a will of iron too. Maybe steel would be a better word choice. You can move mountains if that's what you want. My challenge is channeling that will of yours. But once you've made up your mind, there's no easy swaying of it either, and that can be a good thing too. You never hold a grudge, you are quick to forgive, and you do so unreservedly.

You love to create your outfits, and you have a definite talent for color coordination. New clothes make you bubble with excitement. And you love lotions and perfumes and *gasp* nail polish! I think you like anything sparkly – but so do I, so I can't hold any judgment there. I love that you appreciate other peoples' outfits and say so. I just need to remember that your noticing, probably means you long for others to notice yours too – and say so. Actually, I think that what I love, is how you manage to make everyone you know, feel special and important. You make everyone you meet, feel like they matter - and that, is a special talent.You have figured out a way for each person that you meet, to matter and be important to you.

Well my little bird, tomorrow will be a busy day for us, and I should have gone to bed long ago so I can enjoy it with you. I just wanted to write this before it got pushed away into the back of my mind and forgotten forever. I love you, Emma. I love you from your wispy brown hair and gorgeous blue eyes all the way to the bruises and scabs that cover you from head to toe – tribute to your constant motion. I love you from your stubborn will to your sweet forgiveness. I love that you remind me how much there is to love about everything around me. And maybe tomorrow, I will remember to tell you a little bit of how much you brighten my life!

Love,
~ Mama

"Dear Me" and a School Picture

Dolly in Kindergarten

I can't say that Dolly is learning very much at school and just because she goes away every day doesn't mean we've stopped learning here. Most days after school, she reads to me and it's obvious that the practice is making the task easier. So much so, that I've been finding little play notes about the house. This one is one of my favorites:

In case you missed anything, here's a typed version:

"Dear Hannah (A letter from Ellyette)
Would you want my tea set?
Please may you send the letter back and say 'yes' or 'no'.
Love,
Ellyette"

Ellyette is a girl in Dolly's class with a matching backpack. I think that has a lot to do with Dolly's admiration of her, but this note was entirely produced by Dolly.

Ellyette did NOT write this letter.

Today, I Didn't Cry.

Dear Dolly,

'They' say, when your firstborn goes away to school, that you cry. Today was your first day at school all by yourself. We met your teacher yesterday and everything changed in our lives.

To be honest, I've been dreading this day all year long. Every day that's gone by, I've thought about it. I've thought about the times we've done 'schoolwork' together, the times you've read to me, the letters you've spent hours on for writing practice. I've thought about this being the last summer before you'd have to go away to school. No more slow mornings and late breakfasts. No more spur of the moment, last minute plans for the day, no more late nights because we could recover the next day. And the days kept marching by.

This morning Emma got up early enough to eat breakfast with you. The boys barely made it out of bed and into the car by the time we had to go. She even chose to have the same kind of cereal that you had. It made me smile a little.

When we got to school, you didn't see the point in us waiting for you to go inside. You would have been the first in line if I hadn't made you hold still for a picture. I didn't want to take pictures, but I knew we'd want to see what your first day of school looked like someday. Emma wanted to stand in line with you, and she hardly left your elbow before your teacher came out and started giving directions.

That's when PC and Emma gave you a hug and you lined up with your classmates for the first time. Next week you'll meet the second half of your class, but out of the students we saw today, you were the only blond. My girl of gold. I must give your teacher credit, she did well organizing her students - even the ones who needed more organizing than the rest. It wasn't too long before you all made it up the stairs and the four of us were left standing outside. We'd be back soon, because this week, your school days are mere hours - just over an hour each day to be exact. Next week will see longer classroom time. Next week.

When we picked you up, you had your first paper to take home. You'd glued a cutout of your hand to it and there was a poem printed on the back side of paper. Poetry is bad for me. It has music - it has feeling. They're not just ordinary words because they've been carefully chosen so that they run smoothly together. That little poem with your hand print on the back almost had me today. My eyes welled up as I read it to you when you showed me your work, but I blinked them back to normal.

When I was a little girl my dream was to grow up, get married and be a mom. As I got older, that dream never changed, but I discovered I loved to teach and I dreamt of being a teacher too. Then I grew up, got married, and became a mom and I dreamt of being your teacher. So, today when I watched you climb up the steps I had to realize the fact that some dreams don't mix no matter how much you want them to.

I love you Dolly, and I'll be smiling for you as you go on to learn at school. I have the times we had before today to remember learning with you. They make me smile.

So today, I didn't cry.

Love Always,
~Mama

Another Week Passed

Baby Dearest,

I thought you might be interested in an update on things out here in the real world. After all this time, and rushing about lately, I believe everything is finally ready for you to come!

When you arrive you will have a lovely name of your very own. Daddy and Mama spent many many hours looking for just the right one, but we found it and we can't wait to introduce you to everyone with it. The hospital bags and the overnight things for your siblings are all packed. Thanksgiving has come and gone, so you won't have to share your birthday with one of the funnest family holidays we have.

Mama has even gotten things on the to-do list done that have been waiting for months and months. The pantry is neat and tidy, I did a whole pile of mending the other day and your siblings helped me put the garden away for winter today, so the yard even looks nice. I should vacuum the house again, but raking the leaves on the patio this afternoon made me wish later that I'd skipped that job, and now I'm procrastinating a little when it comes to the vacuum.

Daddy keeps predicting that you'll come any day, and I'm beginning to wish he was right - you're getting awfully big you know, and I would love to lie down on my tummy again one of these days. Besides, you're probably close to 9½ lbs now and even Emma was barely bigger than that!

Well, tomorrow is meeting which means I should get some sleep soon. Wouldn't you like to meet everyone at meeting? They too, are all eagerly waiting to finally see you. So Little One, you are allowed to come now - the sooner the better as far as I'm concerned. Thank you for being such a compliant baby and waiting 'till the middle of the month like I instructed earlier. Your big brother asks for you every single morning - he already loves you so much. I can't wait to see his face when he finally gets to hold you!

Daddy, Dolly, PC and Emma send their love and like me, they can barely wait to meet you. Daddy even found a verse just for you, so I'll included it here as well!

"Come; for all things are now ready."
Luke 14:17

Lots of love,
~ Mama

Calendar Space

Dear Jumbo,
The doctor says you're a big strong healthy baby - 7lbs already! She also says that the middle to end of October is more probable for your arrival than the early November date we already have.

This is fine, but since I am the Mama, let me set down some rules: My calendar is booked until the 13th. You are allowed to come anytime after that though. Besides, if you come before that, you might not get a name... and Mama won't have time to get a hospital bag packed (this is important because all the baby clothes are stowed away out in the shed). Life will be much more comfortable for all of us if you give me time to get ready for you.

Dolly, PC and Emma are all looking forward to meeting you, as are Daddy and I, and we'd all like to see you before the month is over! Just be patient, grow slowly for a week or two, and don't kick me too much.

Love Always,
~ Mama

"Dear Diary," January 4th, 2000

I was reading through some old journal entries, and thought you might enjoy this one. :)

January 4th, 1999 2000

"As you might have noticed, I corrected the date. That happens to be the second time! But who can blame you, when for 360 days you wrote '1999'? Eventually we do get it, since you don't see anyone still writing '1997' or something like that!

Originally I was going to complete my last entry, but I can't remember what exactly I was going to say and it wasn't quite yesterday, since its only 2:30am. (From the 1st to the 4th). My purpose this time is to copy a new poem that I wrote. I am rather proud of it.

I was writing to Becky in her journal, and I ended up going through the 100 or so letters I have in here from her. then all of a sudden I had the perfect words for my favorite Bible picture of our friendship. So, in a minute you'll hear them (I mean read 'em).

But first, let me tell you, I woke THREE of my siblings to get a general opinion. First Ginny - her answer was three "um hum's". Ike's was only two and a "that's good.". And Tina's was a little more detailed than Ike's but still the same line of thought. (After she finished telling me she was looking for the wood for the fireplace in her bedroom.) Here's my poem:

God Gave A Friendship

God gave a special friendship
To two boys in days of old.
Their friendship was more valuable
Than gems or worlds of gold.

They were closer than brothers
And the reason is clearly seen,
They had a common object-
God had given them this thing.

They loved the Lord their God.
That made all the difference, see?
One was heir to the nation's throne-
The other, king would be.

There were no bitter feelings
Even though they both knew.
For the heir had said to his friend,
'I shall be next unto you.'

These two boys, whose friendship
Was more than death is strong,
Stayed friends in all manners truest
Even after one had gone.

Many years later - centuries in fact,
God gave another friendship.
Almost as true as the boys' of old,
To girls this time he gave it.

Through trials truly sore
Their friendship never wavered,
For they had a common object-
And it was this they savored.

The Lord their God was the One
Who tied their hearts together,
Who made their special friendship
That lasted for forever.

Now, I've stated my point and if my mom finds out I was up at 3am, she'd kill me. So, good night!"

THE END

Only a Kiss

August 6th, 2008

Dearest little Son of mine,

I want to write this little note so I can capture more perfectly a memory from today that you gave to me. But the main reason is so you'll know, when you get bigger, how much you mean to me.

Today I was tired. I had lots of work to do, and you kept getting into trouble which caused extra interruptions to me. As the day wore on, I got grumpier and grumpier without even needing a cause. I didn't praise, or encourage you when you were being good, but I did notice even if I was busy with the trouble your sisters were causing.

You bit your older sister today and you broke pieces off of my Jade plant that I so jealously guard. You climbed over the stair gate (and back) to get one of your trucks after I told you not to. You picked dandelion leaves and dropped them in the kiddie pool immediately after I told you not to do just that and you even spit your last bite of breakfast all over your lap in the hope of not eating it. And that was just your contribution to the chaos of today.

But you also did things that I appreciated - even though I didn't tell you then. You picked up some garbage on the floor of the kitchen and put it in the garbage can without being asked. You ate your dinner with enthusiasm and asked for more which you ate before Daddy got home to take us to meeting. You went to sleep for your nap right away - I didn't even have to come in once to remind you to go to sleep. You took a really nice long nap, and gave up your soother right away once you woke up - cheerfully. You rode very quietly in the car on the way to meeting without shouting out the presence of every BIG TRUCK we came within sight of. You asked nicely for juice when you got up from your nap, and you earnestly looked for your sippy cup when it was supper time. You even rode home from meeting silently while I simmered away in the front seat just waiting to pounce on the first disobedient kid.

The thing that meant the most to me today was what you did when I got you ready for bed tonight. I dragged you away from your pile of toy cars on the couch and marched you off to the nursery, but you didn't go kicking and whining in protest - I noticed that later actually. Then I changed your diaper, and put your pajama pants on you. When I sat you up to take your shirt off, you leaned in and gave me a hug. At first I thought you were just stalling - trying to put off your bedtime by a few extra minutes, but then you sat back again and put your hands on each side of my neck and gave me a great big kiss on my cheek. You didn't know it, but I almost started to cry right then. That one little kiss changed my whole day around. I thanked you and gave you a hug, and you hugged me back. Then I took your play shirt off and put your pajama shirt on. Once that was done, you gave me another kiss. And another.. and another. Finally ending up kissing me right on the lips.

You didn't say anything the entire time I got you ready for bed, but I think you knew you'd made me feel better because you had that rare, proud little smile on that is so special and that I love so much to see. So, I just want to say thank you dear son of mine. You loved me even when I probably deserved it the least, and in expressing that love, you reminded me of how much I let slip by me unnoticed - or at least unmentioned - at times. I love you so much and I forget so often that you are only just two years old. Thank you for being such a sweet loving little boy so deep down inside.

So, I'm writing this to you now, to tell you when you can understand how special you are to me. And you'll always be precious to me - You always have been, and each day that passes I love you more.

Love always,
~ Mama