Nerves

For me, writing relieves stress a little. Usually that kind of writing doesn't show up here, but today I don't have time for paper and ink. Typing is much faster, and I'm not 'cooling off' this time, but rather attempting to talk myself into relaxing a bit. And it's so much easier to tap on my 'delete' key.

Anyway, in just over two hours I'm supposed to get four teeth pulled. You know, the ones that are supposed to make one so wise and all? - they don't seem to be working for me... so why keep them? Actually, they've needed to come out for more than ten years and I've put it off again and again and again (and if I had the energy, I would have put it off one more time). See, when I was twelve, I saw the dentist and he took x-rays. Then he told me that my wisdom teeth were going to be a problem and would need to come out as soon as they had finished growing their roots. He said I should come back when I was 18 or so, and that would be that.

But I didn't go back until I was 21 and the dentist took x-rays again. Sadly shaking his head he said, "You should have come back a few years ago- your wisdom teeth should be out, and now one of them is very close to a main nerve." He went on to terrify me (probably not entirely intentionally) with the horrors of the exact closeness part of the root was to the nerve and to tell me how if the nerve was touched it could be damaged and my jaw could be numb for a year or maybe even more. As for the rest of the teeth... well, they were so impacted they'd never be able to come in all the way if they even tried. And he was right. I have two teeth partially in and very much sideways running into the sides of my mouth and the bottom two (including my happy little 'nerve-touching-tooth' cannot emerge since they can't clear the curve of my jaw-bone.

I know this is probably all just worrying for nothing, but I do not remember the last time I was more apprehensive of something. Not even anticipating the birth of my first baby. I'm not worried about it being painful, I'm not worried about swelling up and looking funny for a week (I already look funny). I'm worried about hearing my tooth come out. Or it being crunched up so the pieces can come out (Thanks Sir for that lovely description 5 years ago... it's not helping me here.) And I'm worried about that nerve being damaged and having a numb jaw for a long time or possibly permanently (I know it's probably not that bad... but 6 years ago the root was very very close to that nerve)

Well, I should go do something to get my mind off of this subject. My imagination is not an invalid and can get very carried away with me. And I have an hour to kill before I take the first 'drowsy drug' (something the dentist prescribed for me to take before the procedure so would be a 'little bit out of it'. Humph! I hope 'a little bit' is enough. When I scheduled this appointment, I was partly under the impression that I'd be a little bit more 'out of it', but when you're breastfeeding there's only so many options I guess.

Besides, there's always work to do around here, and the faster I work the more empty my stomach will be and the better the 'drowsy drug' will work. Well, I definitely wouldn't have gotten all of the above 'said' if I had tried hand writing it this morning! And aside from a little girl asking me what we have to do so we're ready for Grandma C. to come get us, there's a little boy climbing into my lap to convince me he needs to be fed. I am needed elsewhere!